Survival Seeds

Monday, June 14, 2010


Family.... What do we consider family? To most it seems to be mom, dad, brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents and some are even lucky enough to have great grandparents. Mister was one of those who had multiple sets of great grandparents when we started dating. We lost the last in November.

Now myself on the other hand, I have a hard time saying what family is. My mom had breast cancer and fought for 4 1/2 until she lost her fight. I thought that it was normal to leave school and go the hospital to visit. My mom would pull me up on to her bed and help me with my homework. Until the age of 6 I can tell you what a family was for me. It was my mom who made everything work, even through the chemo and radiation. I was an only child but wasn't spoiled so much that I was a brat.

After my mom passed away my dad wasted no time in trying to find someone new. The excuse I have been told in the past was that he wanted to have a "new mother" for me. I now know the true reason is that he didn't want to be alone. The woman that he picked had three kids from two previous marriages. The last child was born on the day of my mom's funeral. When they got married eight months later she was already pregnant and had the next less than eight months after that. They ended up having another child and the total of children, including myself was six.

This woman had worked with my mother so I was familiar with her. But once my mother wasn't around any more I became "competition" of sorts. She would talk horrible about my mother, hit me, verbally abuse me and basically turned my father against me. I remember one time that he "stood up" for me. And that didn't really happen. Lots of words were said, but nothing actually happened. At 12 I made a decision, that was aided by his wife, to move out. I moved in with an aunt and uncle until I was 17. My dad never came to anything I did. In fact, I don't know that he saw anything that I did from the time I was 6 or older.

So family at that time was just myself. I was dating the Mister and his family was around but I never knew exactly what would happen so I tried to not get attached. There have been many people who are in and out of my life so I was still trying to decide what family actually meant.

Mister and I have had our ups and downs and have had issues and what has happened in the past is just that, in the past. And he is my family. I am his family. His family has always loved me but there was always a divide of sorts.

I have had issues with MY family the last couple of years. Accusations were made and I got a phone call with tears and was pushed into the drama. Then there were phone calls that said my dad and his wife were getting a divorce (it still hasn't happened). Then as long as I was needed the phone calls continued, and then stopped. I get a phone call saying there was a non-physical altercation between my dad and a half brother. Then I get a phone call this week saying that had a physical altercation and my dad needed something from me. When he showed up he showed what had happened and I asked what happened. After being tole I made the comment that he would be picked up. Boy was I mistaken. The father who had no problems in letting me go, not being involved in my life, who hasn't given me a dime since I was too young to have to think about money (12 years old) decided to not press charges against the brother who has taken advantage of everything that has been laid in front of him. He physically assaulted him but no charges were going to be filed.

This sense of "family" had skewed my understanding of everything and I decided that it wasn't what I wanted family to be. I have people around who love me for who I am (and they actually know me!). I have decided that family has nothing to do with blood, names or birth. Family are those who are around you and care for you - no matter what.

This is my family.

And at times my view has been of this and I had no idea what family truly was. There are times that everything is so messed up and I have no idea which end is right up. This can be the view from my point of view. I am feeling my way through this life, trying to figure things out.
I have made a decision to see what my true family is. It is all of the things above, except for the photo directly above. I have made to decision for this to be my family, no matter what. I know there will be additions to it (hopefully twin boys. God, that would be nice and is what I am desiring. As if you don't know!) But it will come down to the base that this family is built on. Mister and I are the base that this family will grow from. And I am finally okay knowing that it may just be the two of us. My immediate family probably won't be there, his family will probably be there but in the end it is the two of us. And that's is okay!

1 comment:

Mandy @ The Party of 3 said...

I am not really sure what to say but I will start with this you are 100% right on the fact that blood doesn't make your family your "family". I have struggled for years and years with infertility only to realize's not about blood and dna..its about love. Mr. Campbell struggles with his family and has since realized that my family is his family and it's okay to let them in!! Love ya and you know I am always here for ya!