Survival Seeds

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Writers Workshop

Mama Kat has a writer's workshop every week and have all sorts of interesting prompts. You should really go and check her out. This is the prompt that I chose this week....

Describe how you are hoping motherhood will change you?

If you are anyone who knows me you know the back story to this but I will tell everyone who doesn't know!!! I lost my mother when I was 6 years old. My dad remarried 8 months later and his new wife couldn't stand me and still can't. She wanted nothing more than to get me out of the house ( which she succeeded in 5ish years later). I then moved in with family members and although there were people around me I never had a true "mother".

When Matt and I would discuss kids I always have wanted them but I was scared of how I would be as a mother. My mother was wonderful and creative and always had fun with me. I went from that to someone who was abusive and mean. I was scared that I couldn't be like my mother and would be like my dad's second wife. After much talking and crying I have finally decided that I will not be HER. I am going to be my mother through and through.

The changes that I can hope motherhood will make in me is more patience, enjoying today more, not worrying that everything is perfect and the biggest one, learning to not live by a schedule and to go with the flow. I am a planner and get frustrated if everything doesn't go by plan. My husband is not that way so he doesn't understand what it is like. I am hoping that I can be like my mom and if it is nice out, we can go to the creek and play. I am trying to learn now how to change how I am thinking but it is sooooo hard sometimes!

I have a friend who will be a first time mom in a few short months and sometimes I am so envious of how laid back and relaxed she is with EVERYTHING. I am trying to learn that and I am sure that little Anna has alot to teach all of us and I can't wait to see her. I know that Brandy probably has some of the same fears as me. I know that there is the thought that everyone else can say " I will just call and ask mom" and neither one of us can do that. But there are people around who will help us and keep us standing upright through this time. I can't wait to see little Anna and know that Brandy is going to make a wonderful mother.

Relaxing and just being able to enjoy the moment without a plan in place is one of the things that I hope motherhood can change in me.


Head on over to Mama Kat's and see who else is writing over there!


Anonymous said...

Before we had our son, my husband was really worried about the kind of dad he'd be, too. But this is what I think: just by worrying about the kind of parent you'll be, by *wanting* to be a good parent, you're already most of the way there! That desire will guide your actions. My hope is that if we have love guiding our actions, we won't be able to go *terribly* astray with our kids. It sounds like you'll be a great momma!

Mama Kat said...

Such a tragic story. I just cannot imagine, as a girl, being raised without my Mom...or worse...being raised with a sorry version of a mother. Your Dad's new wife must have made you miss your mom a million times more. So sad.

I'm glad you're choosing to be the best Mom you can be.