I love quotes. I gain so much from them and love the little bits of knowledge that we are imparted from others. So I am hoping to do a quote a day. Let me know what you think of it and if there is anything that could be different!
And for the first quote.....
Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. ~George R. Kirkpatrick
Friday, May 14, 2010
letting go of control
As I was bouncing on the boat seat as we were going across the water during the tournament this weekend, I began to think. I am a person who likes her t's crossed and her i's dotted. I don't like change and I like to plan. At Christmas where we go for family gatherings is orderly and sterile. If you ask me on December 6 to come to your house on the 24th at 7 I put down the information and a 1 is put by your even and circled. You were the first to ask. It continues as people keep asking. If there are changes, it is based on who asked and when. Kinda crazy I know, but it is my way of having some semblance of control. What I realized as I was bouncing on the seat of the boat is I have no control.
Boats aren't equipped with seat belt and I always felt out of sorts since all I have to hold onto as the passenger is a shiny bar in front of me. That shiny bar doesn't always help you out when poles are riding up. But when we hit the ways perfectly everything is okay and we are flying across the water. But then the waves from the larger boats start coming towards you and you have no control. You may just get splashed by some water or you may ride that wave up and the boat comes out of the water. You hear the engine revving up and then you hear (and feel!) the "SMACK!!!" as you come down, hitting the water.
I realized that life is the same way. We can be cruising along, not a care in the world and we ride the wave of life up and then all of a sudden there is nothing below us and we are stuck in mid-air. As we are stuck we are wondering what is getting ready to happen. But we have not control over what is getting ready to happen.
But it will be okay, we will all get through it. Some of these waves are bigger than others but there is the falling to look forward to because after the fall comes the calm and we can recoup and get ready for the next wave that will undoubtedly come. By letting go of the control that we so badly want, we can enjoy the ride and not expect what will come next.
Boats aren't equipped with seat belt and I always felt out of sorts since all I have to hold onto as the passenger is a shiny bar in front of me. That shiny bar doesn't always help you out when poles are riding up. But when we hit the ways perfectly everything is okay and we are flying across the water. But then the waves from the larger boats start coming towards you and you have no control. You may just get splashed by some water or you may ride that wave up and the boat comes out of the water. You hear the engine revving up and then you hear (and feel!) the "SMACK!!!" as you come down, hitting the water.
I realized that life is the same way. We can be cruising along, not a care in the world and we ride the wave of life up and then all of a sudden there is nothing below us and we are stuck in mid-air. As we are stuck we are wondering what is getting ready to happen. But we have not control over what is getting ready to happen.
But it will be okay, we will all get through it. Some of these waves are bigger than others but there is the falling to look forward to because after the fall comes the calm and we can recoup and get ready for the next wave that will undoubtedly come. By letting go of the control that we so badly want, we can enjoy the ride and not expect what will come next.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Parent as bullies
I have had the wonderful opportunity to spend time around a large variety of people lately. I saw something that made me seethe underneath the surface. I have seen these actions in the past but cannot take it much more.
I am a person who was abused by my stepmother. There was the physical side but the more more harmful side was the mental abuse. You begin to believe what you are being told. Although I was a straight "A" student, I was told that I was stupid. I was told that my mother wasn't a good person and everyone just said that to make me feel better. I was told that her children were more important and I would be gone if she had her way. At 12 I made that happen for her and my father and went to go and live with other family members. Still to this day my father will not admit that there was anything wrong or that anything truly happened. That is probably part of the reason that we don't have a close relationship. I wonder about people who can stick their heads in the sand and be alright with it.
Still today those scars run deep. I have issues thinking I am allowed to strive for something for myself. I am a people-pleaser and have let people walk all over me in the past. I am now learning how to get past this and as I am sure you all have read, will be graduating with a degree in May 2011. I have done this on my own and for myself. It has taken sacrifice on the part of others but I have learned that I need to come first.
As a parent you are there to be your child's protector, disciplinarian and strength, but you aren't there to humiliate your child. Things that you say to your child will not be taken the same as if you said it to your friends. As a parent you are there to lead your child or push them past the anxieties in the world, not cause them to be greater.
I was around a large group of people and one particular person was bullying their child. This wasn't the first time that I had witnessed this but I am hoping that it will be the last. This child has been put down, humiliated and absolutely has not had a chance. This child has bounced back and forth between Mom and Dad and I know that not only the child has problems but the parents do also. This child has the same traits as the parents, the same traits that they are ragging on it for. This child is starting to believe everything that they are being told. And I am frustrated by the ignorance I am seeing from both parents. But underneath all of this I can see a small glimmer of hope. This child has learned what respect is and has shown it on several occasions, even while getting humiliated by the Dad. And that gives me strength.
The next time that something is said tearing this child down I will be the one to take the blows. Although I have worried about what might be said and if there will be hard feelings, I will stand up and be this child's shield. I remember those who would stand up for be and just stand beside me and still to this day I am so thankful for them. Without them I could be a statistic. But because they cared enough to stand up for me I am about to graduate. And one day I will be a mother who will not treat my children the way that I was treated. But for now I will stand up and be an advocate for this child.
I am a person who was abused by my stepmother. There was the physical side but the more more harmful side was the mental abuse. You begin to believe what you are being told. Although I was a straight "A" student, I was told that I was stupid. I was told that my mother wasn't a good person and everyone just said that to make me feel better. I was told that her children were more important and I would be gone if she had her way. At 12 I made that happen for her and my father and went to go and live with other family members. Still to this day my father will not admit that there was anything wrong or that anything truly happened. That is probably part of the reason that we don't have a close relationship. I wonder about people who can stick their heads in the sand and be alright with it.
Still today those scars run deep. I have issues thinking I am allowed to strive for something for myself. I am a people-pleaser and have let people walk all over me in the past. I am now learning how to get past this and as I am sure you all have read, will be graduating with a degree in May 2011. I have done this on my own and for myself. It has taken sacrifice on the part of others but I have learned that I need to come first.
As a parent you are there to be your child's protector, disciplinarian and strength, but you aren't there to humiliate your child. Things that you say to your child will not be taken the same as if you said it to your friends. As a parent you are there to lead your child or push them past the anxieties in the world, not cause them to be greater.
I was around a large group of people and one particular person was bullying their child. This wasn't the first time that I had witnessed this but I am hoping that it will be the last. This child has been put down, humiliated and absolutely has not had a chance. This child has bounced back and forth between Mom and Dad and I know that not only the child has problems but the parents do also. This child has the same traits as the parents, the same traits that they are ragging on it for. This child is starting to believe everything that they are being told. And I am frustrated by the ignorance I am seeing from both parents. But underneath all of this I can see a small glimmer of hope. This child has learned what respect is and has shown it on several occasions, even while getting humiliated by the Dad. And that gives me strength.
The next time that something is said tearing this child down I will be the one to take the blows. Although I have worried about what might be said and if there will be hard feelings, I will stand up and be this child's shield. I remember those who would stand up for be and just stand beside me and still to this day I am so thankful for them. Without them I could be a statistic. But because they cared enough to stand up for me I am about to graduate. And one day I will be a mother who will not treat my children the way that I was treated. But for now I will stand up and be an advocate for this child.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Moments in life...
My father-in-law always sends me some of the best forwards and this one was very true.
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I know for sure I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
20. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
22. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 27. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I know for sure I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
20. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
22. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 27. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Monday, May 10, 2010
A little 'bout me... The RHofOK style
I decided to join the gals over at Real Housewives of Oklahoma for their MckLinky Monday. It is always fun!!! Join in too!
Monday MckLinky Rules:
1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you haven't a blog).
2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.
3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.
4. Enjoy and have some fun!
A - Age: 29
B - Bed size: King
C - Chore you hate: I hate all chores, but the one I hate the most is dishes. Love to cook, can't stand the dishes.
D - Dog(s') name: Roxy and Sasha. My MIL says that their dog is mine, she just lives in a different house so I will add Lily also! :)
E - Essential start your day item: Something liquid but it may change from day to day. Juice, coffee, tea, or water.
F - Favorite color: Green or pink
G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: Hello! Any of the above
H - Height: 5'10"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Drums and when I was 5 or 6 I took some piano lessons
J - Job title: teller, Supervisor over the intramural activities, full-time college student, chef, maid, cheering section, gardener, angler (fisher woman), hunter.... Those are the only ones I can think of right now...
K - Kid(s): None yet.
L - Living arrangements: House with the Mister
M - Mom's name: Phyllis
N - Nicknames: YaYa, honey, and hey you.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I had surgery when I was three days old. That has been the only hospital stay for me!
P - Pet Peeve: Right now an un-named person whom acts like they are everything and has taken care of everything, but actually has done zero, zip, nada...
Q - Quote from a movie/show: "Nice fish captain. Big F*cking eyes, but a nice fish" - Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys 2
R - Right handed or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: well....I don't actually have any full siblings. But I have two step-brothers, a step-sister, a half-sister and a half-brother. I talk to the boys but not the girls.
T - Time you wake up: at the latest it is 6 AM, everyday. The dogs don't let us sleep past that and when they do let us sleep, we are still up by that time.
U- Underwear: Uh huh...Is there anything else
V - Vegetable you dislike: I don't really care for peas but will eat them if I have to.
W - Why you run late: Husband or dogs
X - X-rays you've had: This year alone I have had 3 chest x-rays
Y - Yummy food you make: Not to sound brag-a-docious, if I make it, it better be good! I strive to make every meal yummy. That is why we are going to try and diet yet once again!
Z - Zoo favorite: Polar bears or the moneys or the tiger, lions and all the other cats. I just like animals!
Now it is your turn head over to The RHofOK and see what you can find out about everyone else!!!
Monday MckLinky Rules:1. Answer the question on your blog (or in the comments sections if you haven't a blog).
2. If you answer the question on your blog, add your name to MckLinky so that we all can discover the brilliance that is your mind.
3. Grab our button from the sidebar and post it either in your reply post or on your blog.
4. Enjoy and have some fun!
A - Age: 29
B - Bed size: King
C - Chore you hate: I hate all chores, but the one I hate the most is dishes. Love to cook, can't stand the dishes.
D - Dog(s') name: Roxy and Sasha. My MIL says that their dog is mine, she just lives in a different house so I will add Lily also! :)
E - Essential start your day item: Something liquid but it may change from day to day. Juice, coffee, tea, or water.
F - Favorite color: Green or pink
G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: Hello! Any of the above
H - Height: 5'10"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Drums and when I was 5 or 6 I took some piano lessons
J - Job title: teller, Supervisor over the intramural activities, full-time college student, chef, maid, cheering section, gardener, angler (fisher woman), hunter.... Those are the only ones I can think of right now...
K - Kid(s): None yet.
L - Living arrangements: House with the Mister
M - Mom's name: Phyllis
N - Nicknames: YaYa, honey, and hey you.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I had surgery when I was three days old. That has been the only hospital stay for me!
P - Pet Peeve: Right now an un-named person whom acts like they are everything and has taken care of everything, but actually has done zero, zip, nada...
Q - Quote from a movie/show: "Nice fish captain. Big F*cking eyes, but a nice fish" - Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys 2
R - Right handed or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: well....I don't actually have any full siblings. But I have two step-brothers, a step-sister, a half-sister and a half-brother. I talk to the boys but not the girls.
T - Time you wake up: at the latest it is 6 AM, everyday. The dogs don't let us sleep past that and when they do let us sleep, we are still up by that time.
U- Underwear: Uh huh...Is there anything else
V - Vegetable you dislike: I don't really care for peas but will eat them if I have to.
W - Why you run late: Husband or dogs
X - X-rays you've had: This year alone I have had 3 chest x-rays
Y - Yummy food you make: Not to sound brag-a-docious, if I make it, it better be good! I strive to make every meal yummy. That is why we are going to try and diet yet once again!
Z - Zoo favorite: Polar bears or the moneys or the tiger, lions and all the other cats. I just like animals!
Now it is your turn head over to The RHofOK and see what you can find out about everyone else!!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers Day
Breast cancer has been a part of my life since I was a year old. Actually it was a part before I was born but we will start there. My mother found a lump when I was a year old and everything, for me at least, started there. My mother had a single mastectomy, among numerous other surgeries at the same time, and chemo. She was "cancer free" for a year before her hip started hurting. This whole time my mom continued as a nurse and was raising a small child. After doing some tests they found that it had metastasized into her bones. She refused the chemo at that time but once it was moving into other organ she did the chemo again. I have a friend of my mother's who told me the other day that *I* was the reason that she fought so hard. After 4 1/2 years my mother lost her battle but not without putting up a huge fight and impacting me in the process.
My grandmother (mothers mom) was diagnosed about4 years later and fought for two years. She lost her battle a year after my grandfather died of a massive heart attack.
My Aunt Teanne (mothers sister) was diagnosed and fought. She wanted to be able to last for me get married and she succeeded. She fought for a couple of years as well and passed a month after Matt and I got married. Although she didn't get to come to the wedding, her sons were there and I sent back many thoughts and prayers to her. She didn't tell us how bad she was and then I got a phone call all of a sudden that she was gone.
I have a hard time every May when it is mothers day. If I go to church I see everyone who has their mother around. If we go out to eat, their are families who are with their mothers and I don't have one. I am so happy for everyone who has their mothers still around. So don't take this post as a downer so something bad. Most people around me realize to not ask me to do anything that would have me around much family. We go to The Mister's grandmother's house and to his dad's house to relax and probably have some watermelon. Something to relax.
I am not saying anything bad to or about anyone. Hoping that I can help some people to gain knowledge. Just know that their are those of us whom don't have their mothers (or fathers) around. Just know that their are bad days that we will have and they may be the most inopportune times. My mother died in February so there are bad times during that month. Her birthday is in August, so that is hard for me too. Just know that they are only human and you might go and give them an extra hug and a little more love during the times that they may feel down and vulnerable.
My grandmother (mothers mom) was diagnosed about4 years later and fought for two years. She lost her battle a year after my grandfather died of a massive heart attack.
My Aunt Teanne (mothers sister) was diagnosed and fought. She wanted to be able to last for me get married and she succeeded. She fought for a couple of years as well and passed a month after Matt and I got married. Although she didn't get to come to the wedding, her sons were there and I sent back many thoughts and prayers to her. She didn't tell us how bad she was and then I got a phone call all of a sudden that she was gone.
I have a hard time every May when it is mothers day. If I go to church I see everyone who has their mother around. If we go out to eat, their are families who are with their mothers and I don't have one. I am so happy for everyone who has their mothers still around. So don't take this post as a downer so something bad. Most people around me realize to not ask me to do anything that would have me around much family. We go to The Mister's grandmother's house and to his dad's house to relax and probably have some watermelon. Something to relax.
I am not saying anything bad to or about anyone. Hoping that I can help some people to gain knowledge. Just know that their are those of us whom don't have their mothers (or fathers) around. Just know that their are bad days that we will have and they may be the most inopportune times. My mother died in February so there are bad times during that month. Her birthday is in August, so that is hard for me too. Just know that they are only human and you might go and give them an extra hug and a little more love during the times that they may feel down and vulnerable.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Happy Birthday Misty
I wanted to say a big happy birthday to my cousin, Misty. You are such a strong woman and have been through so much. I think that we are so much alike (which is a good thing ;) look at what my mom was!) and you can only get better with age. You will accomplish all those things that you are trying for and it will be so worth it!
((HUGS)) from your favorite cousin!
((HUGS)) from your favorite cousin!
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